Day 5-ish- It’s not about perfection.

So here we go again. I’m on day 3 of no alcohol, day 5 or 6 if I include my one drink evening, which for me, I am going to include. I get super frustrated and discouraged by the all or nothing sobriety success story. While I get that never drinking again is necessary for some people, I don’t think it has to be the only marker of success. Since I embraced this I have had a much easier time moving forward into a more sober life. I belong to a sobriety group and my heart aches when I hear women who are working so hard on their sobriety, declare themselves a failure for a slip up. Often this leads to a “Oh well, I fucked that up, might as well go big or go home.” Binge drinking bender. We need to embrace the imperfection, the messiness of getting sober, as normal, and as an important step in the journey.

Since I stopped drinking I am already being forced to confront some of the issues in my life that triggered my drinking. I have a crap load of work to do on that front. Fair to say there will be some upcoming posts on that mess.

Another change- I am off all antidepressants. It started when my insurance refused to cover the new med my doctor prescribed. The one they would cover made me feel cranky and off so I stopped taking it, and I had already weaned off my previous medication. I have been shocked to find I feel so much better! Since being off the medication medication my craving for alcohol has diminished at least 80%. I am really curious if this is a coincidence or if the medication was somehow worsening my desire to drink.

Not the first Day 1

So no alcohol today. So far, so good. Of course it is 8:45 am and I have never been a morning drinker. Now I do love a mimosa, but I only indulge in them during the occasional brunch or Christmas or Easter morning. So I guess we are jumping the gun saying we have a sober day. The real challenge will come about 4 or 5pm when my brain will REALLY want that first glass of wine. I suppose I should plan now for something to distract me. It is hard because I drink at home. I don’t go to bars or out with friends, or even have friends over to drink. My husband doesn’t even drink. O, that is to say he drinks very occasionally and like a normal person. He can have one drink. Just one. It baffles me. Though he has been less than helpful when it comes to stopping. Our exchanges go like this –

Me: (morning)”Hon, I really want to stop drinking, so don’t buy me wine.”

Him: “Ok.”

Also him when I come home that evening: ” I bought you wine! I poured you a glass, it’s on the counter.”

I need to find something to distract me when I really want to give in, because I know that one glass will lead to two then 4. I would go for a walk but its supposed to be raining. I think the museum will be open. That’s an option. Or I could go to the library to work, but it’s President’s Day so they might be closed. Maybe I’ll start yoga even though my knee doesn’t bend enough to do a lot of the poses correctly. It might be good.