Day 5-ish- It’s not about perfection.

So here we go again. I’m on day 3 of no alcohol, day 5 or 6 if I include my one drink evening, which for me, I am going to include. I get super frustrated and discouraged by the all or nothing sobriety success story. While I get that never drinking again is necessary for some people, I don’t think it has to be the only marker of success. Since I embraced this I have had a much easier time moving forward into a more sober life. I belong to a sobriety group and my heart aches when I hear women who are working so hard on their sobriety, declare themselves a failure for a slip up. Often this leads to a “Oh well, I fucked that up, might as well go big or go home.” Binge drinking bender. We need to embrace the imperfection, the messiness of getting sober, as normal, and as an important step in the journey.

Since I stopped drinking I am already being forced to confront some of the issues in my life that triggered my drinking. I have a crap load of work to do on that front. Fair to say there will be some upcoming posts on that mess.

Another change- I am off all antidepressants. It started when my insurance refused to cover the new med my doctor prescribed. The one they would cover made me feel cranky and off so I stopped taking it, and I had already weaned off my previous medication. I have been shocked to find I feel so much better! Since being off the medication medication my craving for alcohol has diminished at least 80%. I am really curious if this is a coincidence or if the medication was somehow worsening my desire to drink.

Day 2

It’s late. Well late for me at least. 10:00pm. Today I have been plagued by a hideous headache. Not sure if it is related to the not drinking, the lack of sleep last night, or if I am coming down with one of the awful viruses that have been going around.

I was disappointed in the sleep situation last night! I was hoping that without drinking I would not be waking up at 2:30, unable to get back to sleep until just before my alarm goes off , but it was a night like all the others with tossing and turning for hours. Maybe tonight will be different.

Then, of course, the first news story today was about the bumper crop of California grapes which is resulting in wine prices going down! Of course it is. I stop drinking, motivated in part by the expense, and the price goes down! HA! The universe has even decided to tempt me!

I ordered some books from Amazon that arrived today.

The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray

This Naked Mind Control Alcohol by Annie Grace

Drink by Ann Dowsett Johnston

So now I have some real life reading to try to squeeze into my schedule.

I did help my daughter with her accessories for “Meme Day” at her school tomorrow. Baby Yoda and Welch’s fruit gummies (It’s a meme I am told). Even though she remembered late, the time didn’t matter since I wasn’t drinking so I could take her myself instead of having my husband do it. Then I was able to help her get her things together while we both had decaf tea. A nice evening.